St Petersburg, Florida officials have warned swimmers and surfers there not to wear any oil on their bodies nor fart while in the water.
"Those oil-eating bacteria have now devoured the spilled methane and are getting very very hungry", stated one official. "We recommend that people bathing while using oil on their bodies or who have been eating a lot of fiber to stay clear of the water or they too will be attacked."
Police and now the Shore Patrol have discovered eleven skeletons that have washed ashore in an area from Mobile, Alabama to St. Pete, Florida and scientists are telling them that the bodies have been eaten by bacteria. Whether those washed ashore originally died from the bacteria or from something else and were then eaten by the bacteria is still being checked.
"Whatever it was that happened originally, they did a good job on the bodies and came much earlier than expected as we thought the huge amount of spilled oil would keep the bacteria busy for ten to twenty years," said Don Jenkins, a chemical oceanographer at Texas A&M University.
One thing that all the experts agreed upon is that one should never swim or surf if they have eaten gassy meals.
"If you feel a big fart coming on, swim for the shore as fast as you can", stated Jenkins.