Written by Zabdgrov667
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Monday, 10 January 2011

image for Democrats in Congress Protest Reading of US Constitution
"I am so glad we're more popular than being stripped naked and thrown in a pit of scorpions" - Pelosi (D-CA)

WASHINGTON, DC - As one ceremony recognized John Boehner (R-OH) as current Speaker of the House, another ceremony with 13 Voodoo priests chanted and performed ritual dances involving venomous snakes, human skulls, and chicken blood. This activity in the halls of the Capitol Building was sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts with funds from the Stimulus Bill, and served to raise awareness of the "primitive ignorance and superstition" found in the US Constitution.

Yosi Sergant (Art Director): You can look at the Declaration of Independence, from more than 200 years ago, and see concepts borrowed from Voodoo. "Nature's God" is like a Snake or Weather Spirit. "Laws of Nature" are like the Law of the Wolf Pack, or the Law of the Jungle, with fundamental concepts like "Kill or Be Killed." The idea that "Rights" magically appear, and are "Unalienable," because of some invisible "Creator" guy makes as much sense as Zombie Powder causing the dead to walk.

Next came the reading of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto (abridged) by the self-proclaimed Socialist Bernie Sanders, Senator of Vermont.

Senator Sanders (Independent-VT): Typical of all oppressive Capitalist schemes to deny the proletariat class its rightful Social Justice ... the US Constitution arrogantly denies the validity and superiority of redistribution of wealth under the guidance of Elite Socialist Intellectuals ... such as myself.

Later, former Representative Alan Grayson (D-FL) read excerpts from the Satanic Bible and the Necronomicon. His speech, at times, was unintelligible and frequently filled with references to death, conspiracy, and ungrateful, half-brained voters who had become nothing more than puppets to a Secret Society bent on the destruction of Democrats.

In related news, the "Lame Duck" Congress not passing the Omnibus Spending Bill with thousands of "earmarks" might have no relation to honor, integrity, or representing the will of the people. Instead, there is a rumor that passage of the spending bill would have allowed Alan Grayson to create an "Army of Death Cows," genetically modified to have the Piranha's razor-sharp teeth and relentless killer instinct.

If true, this isn't so much a "Tea Party" victory, but rather a typical, cowardly "Lame Duck" Congress which did nothing, because it was easier than reading more than 2000 pages of the bill to avoid the risk of becoming the most-hated politicians in all of recorded history (and dying under the hooves of carnivorous cows).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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