Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Dogs, Bitch, Hate Crime

Sunday, 9 January 2011

A San Francisco, California man was arrested and charged with a hate crime when he called a neighbors female dog "a dumb bitch". Apparently, 43 year old Jerry Dunston, was passing by the neighbor's fenced yard and saw the female dog named Hillary, who was in heat, trying to entice a squirrel on top of a retaining wall to do the "Humpty Dumpty". She apparently, appeared to be more interested in the Humpty part than the Dumpty part.

Apparently, the squirrel wasn't going to be doing any dumptying anytime soon, especially with Hillary, seeing that being dumpty could get him stuck in a hole that he may never get out of. That alone could end up breaking him to pieces.

Upon seeing Hillary's plight, Jerry Dunston laughed and said to her "you are a dumb bitch". Unfortunately for Jerry, the dog's owner, Susan D. Coldone, was sitting on the porch and heard his comment and immediately called the police to report the crime. To Jerry's surprise, the police and prosecuting attorney in the city of San Francisco are very big dog lovers and both consider such actions a serious hate speech crime. Jerry was immediately arrested and sent to jail and was given no bail.

The jail that Jerry is being held is run by a warden who, too, is an avid dog lover and had the entire jail remodeled to be more "dog" friendly. While Jerry stays in a cell that has no bed or toilet, he does get a whole mess of fresh shredded news papers every day. As a matter of fact, his daily diet of Alpo and milk bones is probably much more nutritional than his pre-arrest diet which consisted of Budweiser Beer and Dominos pizza. So Jerry may finally get around to fulfilling that New Year's resolution to lose 20 pounds.

He has, also, received shots to control rabies and distemper, although, he has yet to receive any that will control his temper. The guards use a choke chain to take care of that.

He gets walked twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening and gets a flea bath every Saturday night. He, also, gets an hour each day in the exercise courtyard with the other prisoners where they spend the hour chasing a ball.

We have been told that Jerry's court date is set for sometime in February, although that could change if it falls on a day when there is a full moon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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