Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 7 January 2011

image for Obama Offers Press Secretary Job to 'Man with Golden Voice'
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Ted Williams, a homeless man in Columbus, Ohio was "found" by a videographer who paid Williams a dollar to speak into the camera so he could videotape him imitating sports announcers. The video went vital and Williams has now found himself the center of a media feeding frenzy, appearing on every major network and cable news show in the country. It is a position which he doesn't mind being in at all considering the irony of his having spent the week between Christmas and New Years huddled in a Sony big-screen television box.

Offers of jobs utilizing what he calls his "God-given gift of voice" have been pouring in from a variety of sources such as Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, the Cleveland Cavaliers, the NFL and others. In fact, he is now the voice of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, knocking out last year's clever commercials with young kids complaining that adults were "muscling" them out of their macaroni dinners. Another irony not lost on this writer.

But the offer he got today from the President of the United States is what he claims the American dream is really all about.

"I am seriously considering taking up our good President Obama on his offer to hire me as the next White House Press Secretary. After all, no message is worth a whit if it doesn't have the right tone, and I got the tone, mommy, I got the tone," said Williams assuring his 90-year old mother that he is, indeed, on the road to recovery from drug and alcohol abuse.

In addition to his ability to mimic sportscasters and radio personalities, Williams claims he can imitate John Boehner perfectly. "I saw Mr. Boehner a lot when I would stay at the shelter and the news would be on. I've got a better tone to my voice than John," said Williams, "but if I dumb it down a little, I can sound exactly like him. I just change the message, you know. You won't hear me talking jive about the homeless and unemployed like Mr. Boehner does."

If all goes well, Williams will begin his new stint as White House Press Secretary next month after he undergoes an intensive training period, which will include re-training himself to sleep indoors and communicating through the use of teleprompters, not cardboard signs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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