Written by Neil Levine
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Tuesday, 16 August 2005

Washington, The Nation's Capital----In response to her bitter, loud and specific Complaints about conditions at the White House, someone in Authority has given First Lady Laura Bush permission and funding to hire a first class chef to entertain and, more importantly, feed high ranking political visitors to the White House, such as the President of Nigeria, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister Tony Blair, French President Jacques Chirac, Chancellor Gerhard Shroder and dedicated political hopefuls from strategic toss up states.


So after a long, intensive search in some of the fanciest and grittiest kitchens in this great country and behind sculpted hedges and after wading (in knee length rubber boots) through thigh high piles of resumes and calorie packed pastry samples and hot tapas, Mrs. George Bush has settled on Cristeta (AKA Chris, for short) Comerford, an experienced assistant chef, who was working under her very nose inside the White House kitchen itself.


Mrs. Bush has instructed Ms. Comerford to ignore the printed menus, pleasant floral arrangements, formal place settings and antique tableware, uniformed waiters and assistant chefs in big white toques and just get down and cook up some real hot Texas grub.


In response, the new White House chef chilled the asparagus and creamed the lemon and made a cool summer soup, then pan roasted some halibut and buttered up some ginger carrots. She even herbed some summer vegetables.


Complaints from jealous Members of Congress were loud, barbed and immediate. "You won't find anything like that in the House," Barney Frank complained. "Even the Senate doesn't do elegant things like that," said Senator Barbara Boxer.


Majority Leader Bill Frist and Minority Leader Harry Reid admitted the Senate Restaurant serves a choice of chicken noodle soup or vegetarian chili for two bucks a pop. Along with pasta by the ounce.


There were suggestions of a Congressional Investigation to find out what the boys in the Senate were missing. "A bipartisan Commission should get us an engraved invitation," Senator Ted Kennedy demanded, his eyes bulging and tongue hanging out in anticipation of a patriotic red, white and blue polical feast.


A day after news of the healthy menu choices available in the Senate Restaurant spread, such Administration stalwarts as Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney were seen waiting patiently on line, a lunch tray in one hand, their money ready in the other.


"The Senate certainly knows how to feed a nation," Mr. Rumsfeld was heard to comment for attribution.


However, Mrs. Bush let it be known that requests for sleep overs in the Lincoln Bedroom were totally off limits.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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