Written by anthonyrosania
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Pig

Friday, 7 January 2011

image for Delicious Wild Bacon Overrun Texas, Florida Towns
ABOVE: Jessica Simpson

Living In Texas and the Florida Panhandle is difficult enough, what with all the heat and Mexicans, but people in these Deliverance-like rural towns have something else to bitch about: Feral hogs.

Elisha Cuthbert?

Yeah, she got totally fat!

Names for pigs not used included...

Vince Vaughn, Oprah, Kirstie Alley, Aretha Franklin, Queen Latifah, Corey Haim, Kathleen Turner, Alec Baldwin.

"Dem pigs done f--ked up our whole yard," cried lawnmower repairman Clem Bunk, whose ramshackle shanty sits on 15 acres of useless, clay-like soil. "I'm fixing to shoot one of 'em in a minute."

In the 1930s and 40s, hogs were introduced in the area so that rich a--holes could hunt them. Of course, a few escaped and started f--king like Paris Hilton at a kegger.

"They have their first litter at a year, and then about every 7 to 8 months thereafter," said Christine Cavanaugh, a piglogist. "Prolific is the word."

Not everyone is annoyed by the wild hogs, however.

"This one's name is Notorious P.I.G., and this one is named Arnold Shwarzepigger, and this one is named Sir Oinksalot, and this one is Porkchop, and this one is named K.C. Ribb, and this one is named BLT, and this one is named Hamlet, and this one is named Piggy Marley, and this one is named Hippiggy Do-dah, and this one is named Elisha Cuthbert, and this one is named Pork'n'Beans, and this one is named Solusia, and this one is named Pigmalion, and this one is named Raven-Symone, and this one is named Pigboaring, and this one is named Male Chauvinist, and this one is named Mayfly, and this one is named Honky Toink, and this one is named Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham, and this one is named Elvis Pigsley.

State officials say that they will begin to combat the hogs using hand grenades starting Monday, calling the project "Operation: It's Raining Ham."

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

2 3 8 25

Go to top