Eli Willy, a major drug and pharmaceutical manufacturer has announced a revolutionary new drug that only causes side effects. Marketed under the slogan, "If you think yesterday was bad," the drug will be on the market in the near future and will only be available by prescription.
A spokesman for Willy issued the following statement: "America has been waiting for this drug and we are proud of the breakthrough. This is the first time the public can get all the side effects they have been seeing on TV for many years. In one pill per day the afflicted can have, stomach cramps, constipation, depression, blurred vision, an erection that lasts only four minutes, gas, bloating, diarrhea and an uncontrollable desire to commit suicide. It is a psychiatrist's dream which can, no doubt, eliminate shock treatments and confinement to a mental facility for the patient."
This reporter has read the instructions to the doctors and psychiatrists and it reads in part; "Cut to the chase! If they get this far, they probably can't pay your bill anyway. For a better tomorrow, prescribe, "If you think yesterday was bad," and your first one hundred prescriptions will be rewarded with a trip to Las Vegas and an appearance on Dr. Phil."
The last page of instructions to physicians reads: Not recommended for children under two years of age or adults over seventy-five. The latter probably have all these side effects anyway and are not conducive to future cash flow. Suggested advice to patients: "Take two and call me in the morning, if you are still here."