Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Texas, Crawford

Tuesday, 16 August 2005

image for Cindy Sheehan - "President Bush aged me 40 years"

(CRAWFORD) -- Cindy Sheenan, speaking live from Crawford Texas surprised CNN reporters yesterday when she accused President Bush of causing her to age 40 years overnight because of "X-stress". She then produced before and after photos to support her claim. When reporters pointed out that her "before" image looked remarkably like pop singer Beyonce, Sheehan replied,

"Bush killed my son. I used to look like Beyonce. Before he killed my son. X-stress did this to me".

Reporters then reminded her,

"Your 'before' picture shows you to be African American, the 'after' picture, Caucasian". Sheenan responded,

"President Bush slayed my son. The stress of his callous actions caused me to lose my African American roots".

CNN reporters, with no further questions for Mrs Sheehan cut to CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta who explained the medical condition "X-stress". He said,

"X-stress (X-Amyotrophic bicardial syndrome) is an extremely rare genetic disease that can under some instances cause the body's metabolism to suddenly increase by astronomical rates. Mrs Sheenan says that the stress of losing her son caused her to age 40 years virtually overnight. I'm impressed."

President Bush, having already met with the "after", post-Beyonce version of Mrs Sheenan still says, according to sources, that he sympathizes completely with her losses. Her son and her looks. He also told sources that being a real Texas cowboy, he cannot simply "cave-in" and meet with her pubicly in front of the world watching without appearing like a "wuss". A presidential real Texas cowboy type "wuss".

Beyonce Knowles, currently "on tour" was unavailable for comment. Friends of Knowles in Houston Texas did however "laugh out loud", "rofl" even" KHOU reporters said when shown Cindy Sheenan's before and after "Beyonce" look-alike photos. Sheenan, in a heartfelt message to the president said,

"All I want is justice President Bush. Not only did you kill my son but you also caused me to look like one of those witches in the Wizard of Oz. Bring our troops home Mr Bush."

Sources at the Pentagon say that no orders have yet been issued to remove all troops from Iraq and the Middle East by the president. Or Cindy Sheenan. Or, sources say, the real Beyonce, currently "on tour".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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