Special to INS - Not unexpectedly, the Autsch Pin Company announced today that it will move its manufacturing operations to China. CEO Arvid Lindstrom cited a shrinking labor force in Bagville, Minnesota where the company is headquartered. "Young people just don't seem turned on by pins like they were when I graduated college. They'd rather get a degree in fine arts and flip burgers in an urban cesspool like St. Cloud."
Lindstrom continued, "Several years ago, an attempt was made to change our city's name from Bagville to Pinville which was felt to be much more apropos ever since the Lebensmittelgeschäft Bag Company pulled up stakes and moved to Dubai. But then we found a 40-year supply of envelopes in the city hall basement with 'Bagville' printed on them, so the mayor decided to withdraw a proposed referendum."
R&D will remain in Bagville, where Autsch product designers have begun work on an Ouch-Less Pin®, which features a blunt instead of pointed tip. When asked if this would defeat the pin's purpose, design engineer Ingvold Aibinstuggen replied, "We still have a lot of work to do, but I feel confident that the future of this business lies in being ouch-less. Look what it did for Johnson & Johnson and their Band-Aides."
Several years ago, the Science Channel came to Bagville to film a feature on pin-making for its program, "How It's Made." However, program director Herb Ennui said that no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get the segment to run more than 45 seconds. "It seems that thin wire goes in one end of a machine, and a pin comes out the other," said Ennui. "Maybe the ouch-less pin will give us something more to work with."