White House officials say they had nothing to do with the tasering of former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, as a precaution against her suddenly using a huge gavel to beat the new Speaker, John A. Boehner, to death.
"Even though Pelosi has been a thorn in President Obama's ass for two years now, trying to tell him how to run the country and acting as though SHE was the president, the tasering was entirely an accident", stated House security officer Shelia Betch.
As for as new Speaker Boehner is concerned, he said he could see the desire in Pelosi's eyes but that the earlier tasering had allowed Ms. Pelosi to calm down just enough to prevent an all-out attack.
"Oh, I know it was like handing over one of her own kids", stated Boehner, "I don't know who ordered the preventative measure but I'm thankful to him, even if it's that lowlife President."
Meanwhile Pelosi had settled down on the House floor and voted "NO!" to the proposed recommendation that they all break for lunch.
"I intend to vote 'NO!' on everything for the next two years", stated the congresswoman, then ducked down behind the seat in front of her.