The White House Press Secretary has just issued a statement announcing the formation of a massive new government agency.
This new agency will be responsible for running a number of new Federal programs authorized by President Obama by executive order. This order was recently issued after a janitor at the National Archives reportedly found a long lost page from the Bill of Rights behind an old filing cabinet.
In addition to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, this document provides for a government guaranteed "right" to free healthcare, food, clothing, housing and employment for anyone residing in the country.
The Obama administration has wasting no time in moving to implement these new "rights".
According to this press release, the name of the new government entity will be the 'Comrades Receiving Assistance Program', or C.R.A.P., for short.
President Obama himself talked to reporters and stated that "by the end of his term as President every American will have CRAP-Health, live in CRAP-Housing, hold a CRAP-Job and wear CRAP-Clothes."
When questioned about the new "right" to free food, Mr. Obama said his advisors were working on the details, but he said rest assured, everyone would be eating some kind of CRAP very soon.
So, to summarize, it looks like we may all be moving to Detroit or D.C. to live in our new CRAP-Housing projects.
We will all be working CRAP-Jobs. Those with skills will be either laboring in the sewers or pumping septic systems. Those without any skills will work for the government.
The new CRAP-Clothing Program means we will also be issued free platform shoes, plaid bell-bottom pants and Member's Only jackets.
And, thanks to CRAP-Food, we can all look forward to getting a much bigger portion of crap from Washington than we have ever received before.
On the plus side, with the government guarantee of CRAP-Health, at least we won't live long.