In an attempt to further show their united contempt for the war in Iraq, and not missing the golden opportunity to further needle George W. Bush, the leaders of France, Germany and Russia will fly in separate planes to Crawford, Texas or as near as they can get to the place, and proceed by mule pulled wagon to pay their respects, visiting with grieving mother Cindy Sheehan. Each plan to spend at least one night in a tent at Camp Casey, located by the side of the highway, down the road from the Texas White House, hoping to take part in the vigil and perhaps catch a glimpse of the President of the free world as he speeds pass to attend a fund raiser in his secured, air conditioned, gas guzzling SUV.
Thinking they could downplay the situation, the White House announced that the three were welcomed, predicting that they would never last the night due to an absence of room service. French President Jacque Chirac dismissed this possibility with the waved of a hand, announcing he was traveling with a group from Le Cordon Bleu. German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder was confident as he was traveling with his wife. Vladimir Putin, former head of the KGB, and famed for his adaptability, can manage everything including prepare a five course meal in a single pot, over a twig fire, in a hand dug hole. The MacGyver of Russia, Putin's campfire cabbage and nettle soufflé with wild mushrooms is rumored to be a crowd pleasing, plate licking, second helping delight. No dessert necessary. Not for at least a month.
The stakes raised, the White House followed this news by announcing President George W. Bush would host a barbecue for visiting cabinet members and that Tony Blair would interrupt his Caribbean vacation to attend, suggesting that the record high temperatures would send the other foreign dignitaries back home where they belonged. With his usual diplomatic shrug, Chirac stated that he planned to enjoy the sun in a bikini with the aid of a bistro umbrella. Schroeder had a pair of summer lederhosen and Putin intended to sunbathe nude.
Lost in these shenanigans was Cindy Sheehan who fended off a threatened skunk invasion, insisting she just wanted to ask the President why her son died, while the optimistically named, `Give War A Chance' organization, called her un-American, and celebrated the fine work being done by other people's children in Iraq.
Pass the sunblock.