Written by Amethyst Ryder
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Sunday, 2 January 2011

image for Minnesota woman spends New Year's 2011 watching Black Adder reruns
The weather outside is frightful, so Helena Handbasket is staying inside and watching old episodes of Black Adder.

Outer Suburbia, Minnesota - While many people were heralding the arrival of 2011 with revelry and fireworks and kneeling before the Porcelain God, local resident Helena Handbasket stayed home and watched the entire four seasons of Black Adder, plus Black Adder's A Christmas Carol, via her InterwebzFlikz subscription.

"I've been attending parties and visiting family and friends throughout the holiday season. By the time New Year's Eve hits, I'm sick of people. I just want to sit at home and burn some cinnamon-bayberry candles, have a pizza, and watch a few movies."

"Besides," she added, "all weekend it's supposed to be colder than the heart of Dick Cheney. I can't think of any New Year's party worth going outside and freezing my ass off."

Black Adder is a 1980s British comedy series starring Rowan Atkinson as a sardonic nobleman forever scheming to get a leg up in the world by stepping on a few heads. "It's perfectly suited to the misanthropic post-holiday spirit," said Handbasket.

When asked to name her favorite episode and season of Black Adder, Handbasket declined.

"They're all great, each in its own way," she said. "Except for the ending of Season Two. I just don't get that. How did a guy who was run through the stomach with a sword and stabbed in the back with a dagger come back as if nothing had happened? Did I miss a Highlander reference in there, somewhere?"

In other news, an 84-car collision sometime in the middle of the night on New Year's Eve killed 29 people and injured 37.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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