Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Topics: Terrorism, Flying

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Government concerns of new sophisticated terrorist methods of bypassing current TAC security measures at airports have come to the attention of ace investigative journalist Tommy Twinkle including plans to implant explosive devices into the breasts of willing

female suicide terrorists to be detonated on board later by a triggering mechanism whereby all that's required is for the device to be set off by a firm twist or press of a nipple.Concern is that such devices could get through the current system by which passengers can avoid the scans simply by taking the option of being patted down by TAC security handlers.

There is the further fear that such triggering devices could be set off by the TAC handlers themselves during any particularly firm checks of passengers prior to boarding .

There are fears that TAC handlers will not be pressing passengers breasts with sufficient diligence and firmness in the future for fear of setting off the breastbombs on the ground with the resulting damage that would be caused to the airport building itself.

Given the various orifices of the human body where things like sticks of dynamite could so easily be concealed there are now growing demands from passengers that every person wishing to travel by air should have to undergo safety checks of all orifices -including ears - before being allowed to board.

Homeland Security has put forward the suggestion that a small camera attached to the end of a long stick might satisfy passengers and remove their understandable fears about travelling safely by air. These safety checks would of course to be carried out by TAC security professionals who will have undergone intense training on the use of such long sticks.

Janet Napolitano has personally assured passengers that their safety has and shall remain of paramount importance and that there are no plans for that to change....for the time being.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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