Reacting to new claims by conservatives that Obama Care will not work unless grandma volunteers to pull the plug on herself prematurely, Vice President Joe Biden said that, "although this is true, it's inherently false that the government is doing this for grandma's well-being."
"Life is a transient runaway train, just waiting to crash," added the toothsome but collegial son of a bituminous Pennsylvanian coal miner.
"Make no mistake, life is cheap enough as it is. There is no need to make it more expensive by needlessly letting grandma suck off hard-earned tax money that could be better used to build a bridge from Philadelphia to Pittsburg so that fuzzy throated wrens wouldn't have to be sucked into windmills just because some selfish 90 year old wombat on a ventilator wants to say goodbye to her kids before cashing her last social security check."
"Make no mistake, President Obama is as compassionate as any other man of color. Just because his grandma is here illegally doesn't make her any different than your granny or mine. As far as he is concerned, when her time is up, she's toast."