Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Health, CDC

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

image for Centers for Disease Control (the CDC) Outlaws GOING VIRAL
Look who's coming to dinner.

"We are sick and tired," announced the Director of the CDC at a press conference in Atlanta today, "of seeing people and things -- especially Internet stories and rumors -- GOING VIRAL."

He continued, "We are stopping it as of today. Gone, kaput. GOING VIRAL is now against the law. Too many germs are spread; and as a result, we gotta work overtime. That's just not fair, especially around the holidays and in this bad weather."

"But, um, how can you stop it?" a timid female reporter in the first row asked.

The CDC Director took off his glasses and looked at the reporter. He glanced at her nametag. Then he gave an icy smile and said, "Wait and see what happens if anyone tries to stop us from clamping down on the GOING VIRAL epidemic." The reporter shivered. She didn't like the threatening look in the guy's eye. Nor did she like the way he laboriously spat out the word EP-I-DEM-IC.

A few minutes later as she left the press room, she chatted with a male colleague. "That guy gives me the creeps," she said. "He reminds me of the big bad wolf in that fairy tale, the Three Little Pigs." She stared into the distance. "I'm thinking of that line; you know, where the wolf says, Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in."

"Hey, no sweat," her colleague said. "Just think of how that third little pig handled the wolf. Remember? He knew that the wolf would be trying to get into the house through the chimney, so he put a huge vat of boiling water at the bottom of the chimney." The guy paused and then continued: "The wolf fell right into it and was cooked for dinner."

"Ooh, that's right. I forgot about that part," she responded, continuing, "I feel better already. Let's forget about that GOING VIRAL hocus pocus."

He smiled. "Wanna go for a burger?"

Hope he isn't a wolf in sheep's clothing, thought a Spoof reporter who had overheard the conversation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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