Written by Morse
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Monday, 27 December 2010

image for NJ State Police Alerted after 4'2" Snooki Goes Missing in 6' Snow Drift Behind All Night Pizza Joint!
Snooki's Boyfriend Waits Anxiously for News After She Disappears in Blizzard Whilst Drunk!

Frantic Fans of Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi, joined in a frantic search for the top heavy, short and portly reality star after she went out to 'take a leak' during a blizzard in Pt. Pleasant, NJ at her favorite beer & pizza joint.

Friends with her during the late night 'snack attack' said Snooki was 'under the weather as usual,' and refused any assistance as she stepped out the back door of "Piedro's Pizzas' a former high school hangout for Snooki and her posse when they ditched class.

"Nick" as she was known as during her high school years where she developed her
Jersey Accent, lack of grace, and obnoxious personality while winning 2nd team honours as the football team's "last chance piece", has been known to wander off occasionally during late night drinking bouts, and as a result her companions did not become unduly concerned when she didn't return within 15 minutes.

After an hour, curiosity aroused, one table mate who was counting on Snooki to pick up the tab as his parents had recently cut off his allowance after 24 years, went out back and sounded the alarm as the blizzard conditions had obliterated all tracks and visibility was limited to about 2 feet, which meant Snooki couldn't have seen where she was going much beyond her protruding chest, her most noticeable physical feature.

As of press time search dogs have been called in and after given Snooki's scent from the pair of thongs she left behind on the table after a vigorous exhibition of joyous abandon,
had set out through the back alley pulling their handlers after them.

Said State Trooper Duncan O'Malley, "the only time I've seen them dogs act like that was when they stumbled on a BITCH in heat!"

Authorities claim they will turn something up soon confidant that even with the freezing conditions Snooki has enough stored body fat to survive at least 10 hours of the ordeal.

Meanwhile, cameras were kept rolling during the latest recording of "Jersey Shore" with the tentative title "Snooki Freezes Her Butt Crack; 'The Situation ' defrosts the Ice Box in Apartment Melt Down!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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