Written by Morse
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Monday, 27 December 2010

Sarah Palin continued her Iron Woman Quest this week continuing to showcase the Beautiful State of Alaska, as well as her own prowess as Zena , Queen of the Great Outdoors on her travelogue "Sarah Palin's Alaska!"

Traveling to a remote logging camp Sarah sliced and diced her way through a medieval forest of humongous trees wielding a super sized Husqvarna chain saw with a 48" blade running on aviation gas to make short work of 'a real big woody' as she called it when overheard whispering to husband Todd.

During the mid morning break, Sarah used the same chain saw to slice some super thin Prosciutto from the hind quarter of a moose they had brought along to share with the grizzled loggers, and then even was asked to sign all their chain saws using her lip gloss!

Later in the episode Sarah outdid herself winning the log rolling contest while crossing the wide expanse of the Yukon river without getting her Uggs wet, expertly maneuvered a river boat pushing 4 million board feet of loblolly pine down river, and won the Chain Saw rodeo cutting off a perfect slice of a 96" red wood butt in 3.5 seconds using a custom
hi-speed solingen steel blade from the Black Forest in Germany.

Thankfully, during all this daring do, petulant daughter Willow was left to her own devices back in camp due to the danger of the experience, and during her "home alone" stint lasting 7 hours, managed to dice a whole head of Iceberg lettuce for the evening's salad fixin's without cutting herself or smudging her makeup.

Willow, soon to be granted her Alaskan Driver's License, did prove her prowess by beating out 6 Japanese Car Tuners on the dirt track of a local speedway in the "Drifting" contest, celebrating her victory with a 'hot lap' and a 'burn out' which left her and her pink race car on top of a gigantic heap of Moose Nuggets used as the viewing stand.

Todd came in last in the event. Again.

Next week: Willow is forced to learn how to clean the house, pick up her toys, make her bed, and goes into rehab to wean her from her BlackBerry in an emotional climax
to the 7 part Saga.

Todd is expected to get his own series on TLC as a spin off as a deaf mute faced with the challenge of living in the wilderness surrounded by a heard of female grizzles and forced to fend for himself in order to survive!

ED NOTE: Willow really needs to move up to the next size pair of jeans; ones that promote
a 'relaxed fit.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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