Paging Howard K. Stern, Paging Howard K. Stern, Paging Howard K. Stern, Grotto, Stat! In a remake of the Anna Nicole Smith story directed by Frank Capra, also the director of "You Can't Take it With You", Santa Claus has given Playboy Playmate Crystal Harris Hugh Hefner and an engagement ring for Christmas. Santa Claus gave Hugh Hefner a new bathrobe, a pair of Everlast boxing gloves, a stem cell hearing aid and a shiny brand new walker for Christmas.
Crystal Harris said, "I don't even see the sixty year age difference between Hef and I at all. If anything I feel like I'm the adult and he's the kid. We hang out a lot, we go for walks around the grounds, screen movies and go for dinner. Hugh Hefner has his meals brought to the restaurant in advance to ensure the highest quality food."
Crystal Harris continued: "I'm not after Hugh Hefner for his money. I have my own career as a recording artist. When I told Hugh that I was making an album he cried." (Childlike behavior, crying at inappropriate times, loss of hearing, inability to walk on his own: Is there a doctor in the house? Can we have a diagnosis please?)
Crystal Harris has a magnificent singing voice. When you hear her sing "I Believe in You" Crystal stirs up such strong emotions that you reflexively move to rip your eyes and your hair out. One in three Gitmo prisoners preferred waterboarding over having "I Believe" looped endlessly in their cells. Crystal sings a duet of "Baby Be Mine" with Michael Jackson on the new Michael Jackson allbum, "Michael."
Hef tweeted news of his engagement to Crystal Harris on Christmas Eve. Hugh Hefner tweeted "When I gave Crystal the ring she burst into tears. This is the happiest Christmas weekend in memory." First Lady Michelle Obama spent Christmas Eve helping NORAD track Santa Claus and answering phone calls from excited children. Michelle Obama noted that Santa Claus seemed to be moving at a good clip but she noted that Santa Claus and the reindeer seemed to be spending quite a bit of time in the Holmby Hills.
One child Austin asked the First lady: "Is being First Lady a hard job? Is it hard to have secret service? Is it hard to be married to the President? Our exceptional First Lady answered, "It isn't hard at all."