Philadelphia, PA - That 20-pound fruitcake you received for Christmas might not be so bad after all. Modern fruitcakes have a lot more inside them besides candied cherries and curried yak jowls. Marijuana is now the major ingredient in fruitcakes, and everyone seems to be enjoying them.
Cooks have been making fruitcakes for many centuries, or at least the mentally ill ones have. Since the turn of the 21st Century, modern cooks have been following an old Alice B. Toklas recipe. This newer recipe calls for marijuana--and lots of it.
An ounce of marijuana is needed to make one 20-pound fruitcake. The marijuana gives the fruitcake a nice fresh scent, and an unusual green colour. Rotting acorns, petrified squirrel gonads and orange peels are still used to make the modern fruitcake, but the marijuana seems to take the taste away.
Those who munch on the fruitcake say it gives them a buzz and an urge to read spoof stories. Driving and operating machinery after eating fruitcake is strictly prohibited.