Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, in response to the question about whether straights would be ordered to use the same toilet facilities as gays and lesbians, under the threat of court martial, responded by saying that this controversial subject has been the topic of much discussion and debated at the highest levels for months.
"What we have decided is that there is no way to accommodate every sexual orientation in a manner that would please everyone." Harruumph! "While it appears less difficult to employ separate facilities for those lucky enough to have desk jobs in Washington, our warriors who are serving in combat areas deserve to be treated with equanimity."
When our men and women, whether straight or flaming, butch or subservient, they all need to know that the real enemy is disguised by the enmity of brothers and sisters forced to poop and pee together under a tree or behind a rock.....or is it that the real enmity is disguised by the enemy of brothers and sisters forced to poop and pee together? I will let you of letters decide."
"Calling to mind what a friend and hero of mine, Major Amos B. Hoople said back in World War II, 'EGAD FAP! COUGH, COUGH, GULP, WHEEZE, GLUG GLUG...If they can't squat and pee, what the Hell are they doing out here fighting the f..king Huns?'
Gates continues, "After conferring with such Notary Sojacs as Admiral Mullen and other members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, we told the President that if he could squat and pee, so could our heroes over in Afghanistan. I am happy to report that the President responded by saying he was tired of lifting the seat for the girls." "Let's do it," he said.