Laredo - With the birth of Maria Lopez Montoya at 3:01 a.m. today, Texans are now a minority in this primarily Hispanic state. Over the past twenty years Texas has been flooded with Mexicans, New Mexicans, and Okies crossing its borders, and reproducing like rabbits. In response, the White House today announced several Federal programs to help the new minority (whites) get into college, qualify for home loans, and to ensure equal opportunities.
"They've got us seriously outnumbered" said Texas Governor Rick Perry "I know how Davy Crocket must have felt at the Alamo." We're having to change road signs from "Interstate 10" to "Camino Grande Diez" to accomodate the new majority. All Texas schoolchildren, including whites, are now enrolled in ESL, "English as a Second Language." There's even talk of changing the state flag.
In an effort to turn the numbers around, Planned Parenthood of Dallas started issuing sugar pills to all Anglo females seeking birth control pills. Catholic recruiting efforts are also targeting non-minorities in their reproductive years, in the hopes of dissuading at least a few from practicing birth control, and leveling off birth rates.
"Minutemen" stationed at the border did their best to keep illegal immigrants out of Texas over the past few years,, but most units reportedly ran out of ammunition in the first hour. "You can't dam a river with a shovel" Minuteman Commander Steven Bowie is quoted as saying.
Governor Perry continued, "Esta dia es un dia my importante des la future de nuevo Texas. Soy muy happy para los nuevos citizens."
According to the population estimates based on the 2000 Census, 50.2 percent of Texans are now minorities. In the 2000 Census, minorities made up about 47 percent of the population in the second-largest state, begging the question, "what is a minority?"
"Immigration is good for the United States ... it's important for us to keep our doors open" said one Washington bureaucrat. Complications from the cultural shift aren't likely to be exclusive to states that already have majority-minority populations, he added, whatever the heck that means.
Ironically, the nation should be more than half minorities by 2050, said Steve Murdock, a demographer at the University of Texas at San Antonio. Of course, that's an oxymoron pointed out an English (as a second language) teacher at the same school.
"If you look in the 1990s, in every one of the 50 states, non-Anglo Hispanic populations grew faster than Anglo populations," Murdock said. "It's a very pervasive pattern. These people are clearly more productive, err, re-productive, than Anglos."