Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 December 2010

image for Larry King - The King of CNN Bids A Final Adieu, Arrivederci, and Adios
Larry King shown interviewing Osama Bin Laden in Calcutta back in May of 2009.

LOS ANGELES - Larry King, the man who in his 53 years in the broadcasting world conducted over 50,000 interviews, finally uttered that cute little bye bye phrase 'sayonara y'all.'

The host of Live With Larry King was assisted on his last ever show by Ryan Seacrest, host of the most popular reality show in the history of reality shows American Idol and Bill Maher, who managed to step on Ryan's lines about a dozen times before Larry told him to shut the eff up and let Seabiscuit (Seacrest) talk.

Maher who looks like he combs his hair with firecrackers pouted like Kanye West, pooching out his lips and resembling an adult tuna fish or Lisa Rinna before she had lip surgery which removed about half a pound of tissue from her bottom lip and two pounds of tissue from her top lip.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared via satellite and thanked King for being such a nice, kind, caring, compassionate man. Arnie then giggled and asked Larry if he could lend his state about $25 million to tide them over.

President Obama also appeared via satellite and told King not to believe any of the freakin lies that he has been hearing coming out of Wikileaks, Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter, or the new Weeper of the House, John "Granny Teardrops" Boehner. He then pointed out that he (King) looked simply amazing considering that he just is a few years younger than apples.

Brobama then shyly asked Mr. King if he could borrow about $50 million on behalf of the American people who deserved it and added especially since he does, after all, have tons and tons of money.

Regis Philbin then appeared on screen and told Larry that he is one of the few people in America who is actually Larry's age. He noted that the only celebrity who is older than either one of them is Cloris "Navel Tits" Leachman.

Donald Trump stopped in and told Larry that he was going to give him the name of a New Jersey hair surgeon who could help him do something with his receding hairline.

King responded by asking the Trumpster, "Hey Donnie boy, do you not own a friggin mirror or what dude? I mean goodness gracious your hairdo looks like it could be a hotel for wayward Canadian Mallards."

Trump told him to shut the eff up or else he would steal his wife, which if gossip is to be believed, would probably be much easier than Kobe Bryant making a free throw.

And them Fred Armisen appeared. Who? Fred Armisen. Who? The guy that dresses like Larry King and tries to imitate him but who in all actuality sounds and looks more like Nancy Pelosi than he does Larry King.

The man who wore red suspenders exactly like the ones King was wearing went on, and on, and on, and on, and really said nothing, nothing, nothing, and really nothing. Bill Maher later commented that Ryan had nodded off during Freddie's 47-minute segment.

And then news anchors Katie Couric (CBS), Diane Sawyer (ABC), and Brian Williams (NBC) spoke. Couric who is 5 foot 3 was standing on a Greater Los Angeles phonebook since Sawyer stands 6 foot 2. Williams weighs 182 pounds and has the most unusual looking eyebrows in the free world.

At times Brian's eyebrows seem to move over toward his ears and then they slowly work their way down to his cheeks, scaling his nose, and ending up close to his cowlick.

Barbara Walters, was allowed out of the Barney Frank Home For Lispers and asked Larry if he recalled that time back during the Korean War when he and her shared a cozy little dinner at the Hey I Got Jur Pizza Parlor and Motel in Brooklyn.

Larry got a puzzled look on his face. He asked her if she was the ditsy broad that had a tattoo with the name President Eisenhower on her left knocker. Walters blushed, started shaking, and told Larry to go to a damn fluckin commercial.

When they returned the munchkin (Couric) read a boring-as-hell 197-stanza poem that she had written about Larry which she titled, Ode To Old Suspenders Crotch.

President Bill "The Ozark Stud" Clinton praised King for being someone that everyday American people such as teachers, waitresses, pole dancers, and White House interns can all look up to and respect.

Dr. Phil asked Larry if he had understood any of the words that the midget (Couric) had read. Larry shook his head, shrugged his shoulders, and replied that as best as he could figure the little blonde dwarf was simply trying to somehow get into his 'junk.'

King's semi-faithful wife Shawn appeared with their two sons Prince Chance, 11, and Count Cannon, 10. Maher turned to Shawn and whispered "So tell me Shawny, how's the coach doing?" She told him to shut up and that what her boyfriend Jesse did to her and vice versa was no one's business and especially someone like him who is an unfunny piece-of-shit atheist.

Maher told her that he could clearly see that there was some cottage cheese looking cellulite starting to appear on her Grand Canyonesque cleavage.

Prince Chance did an imitation of his father and then Count Cannon did an imitation of Cher. King asked Dr. Phil if he could meet with him and Cannon after the show.

Tony Bennett, who recently turned 102, then performed live from The Slimey Shrimp Room of The Hotel VaVaVoom in Lake Charles, Louisiana.

Bennett told Larry that he was going to dedicate a tribute song to him and then launched into the 1968 seventeen minute classic "In A Gadda Da Vida."

In other news. The rumor that Brett Favre emailed Condoleezza Rice a photo of his jock strap has been proven to be false.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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