(Inside-the-Beltway, District of Columbia) - Following a recent revelation by "Weeper of the House" John Boehner that his penis is, in fact, orange like the rest of him, both the upper house and the lower house of Congress have launched hearings on the controversy.
Meanwhile revelers and protesters gathered outside, carrying homemade signs and chanting, "No Orange Wankers!..., No Orange Wankers!..."
Inside the chambers, the debate went something like this:
"This is too important an issue to wait until after the holidays are over. It is far more important than gay citizenry openly serving in the military or tax breaks for the wealthy."
Sensing blood in the water, Democrats attacked while Republicans took the defensive position. At first both sides tried filibustering. When that didn't work they tried gerrymandering, which also failed. This led to skylarking, followed by malingering, then horseplay, then rubbernecking, and finally victimization.
While it's not clear how the debate will end, some moderates in Congress insist: it's not the hue of a man's penis that is important, but rather the way in which he refrains from thinking with it.