Written by TomFoolery
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Tuesday, 9 August 2005

"Lame Duck" is a term President George W. Bush simply cannot accept. He's proven by his athletic agility that he's nowhere near lame. And while some might call him a turkey, he's definitely no sitting duck. Fact is, he's been doing such a good job, he has public support, and the world loves him. So, what's a formidable world leader to do? He's going to abolish the two-term rule and continue in office-much like Supreme Court judges-for life!

This should come as welcome news to political protégés mustering their forces for what they hoped would be the upcoming presidential election process. Now it won't be necessary…EVER!

So, Hilary, you can retract your claws and wipe the foam from the corners of your mouth. And you'll have to come up with some other reason for that crazed, dazed look in your eyes. Thanks to our new "Forever Pres," you're going to be remembered simply as the joke that had no punch line. Democrats, the pressure is off. You don't have to gin up any fancy sounding, smoke-and-mirrors, ideological gems to hornswoggle the naïve and brain dead among us. And, think about it, you've already established your hate-hate relationship with the current administration. Now you've got forever to perfect, polish and pander it! What a deal!!

Environmentalists can let go of the trees they've been so fervently hugging, and economic extremists can take your wallets out of your mouths. Now that the course of the nation and the world is being cast in stone even as we speak, saber-rattling and doom saying is nothing more than a useless waste of time.

Some might claim there's witchcraft involved. Others think it's some form of subliminal mind control. The president has even been accused of abusing his authority. Nothing of the sort. George W is merely playing the American legislative process like an old country fiddle. The legislation is already through the committee process and is about to be voted on in the Full Senate. How? Easy, it's buried in thousands of pages of an enormous omnibus budget package that would take years to find. Sneaky? Yes. Illegal? No way!

To kick off his ‘Term Without Limits,' the perennial president has been in close and constant contact with the US Treasury, designing new currency to commemorate his ‘unending' legacy to the United States, the world and the universe. At the moment he signs his landmark bill into law, the president will inaugurate a whole new set of paper money into the world market to replace what's been circulating up to now. George W's smile will light up the hundred dollar bill, the First Lady will grace the fifty, VP Dick Cheney will back up the twenty, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld will defend the ten, Attorney General Gonzales will preside over the five, First Daughters Jenna and Barbara will double up on the two, and finally, the father of modern American economics, Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan, will stand alone on the one.

The new concept in American government will lay to rest fuming arguments over the Electoral College, hanging chads, voter disenfranchisement, soft money and the general tendency toward mud-slinging. As an added bonus, we won't have to be bothered by billboards and front yards littered with obnoxious candidate banners and signs. I can just hear the kids and their parents of tomorrow saying, "Thanks, G-Dubya!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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