(District of Columbia) - In an attempt to show that he does not merely masquerade as a person "of color", a tearful John Boehner revealed to 60.5 Minutes that he does in fact have an orange penis as well.
"I used to get so inspired by Oprah Winfrey in the film The Color Purple," said a weepy Boehner. "It was almost a mirror-image of my own life growing up as an underprivileged near-Caucasian man living in the Midwest. Except in my case, they would call the movie The Color Orange..."
While Boehner broke down and cried a number of times during the interview, Andy Rooney later asked, "Who gives a rat's ass what color the man's private parts are? Do you? I don't. When I was your age we never I showed the color of our 'junk' on TV. So there you have it."