Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 17 December 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan's "RehabGate" - The Behind-The-Scenes Story
Rehab Clinic patient "Smokey" Wickerbocker who coined the term "RehabGate."

LOS ANGELES - One of the custodians at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic where Lindsay Lohan has been confined spoke with a reporter for Left Coast Mirror Magazine about the freckled face diva-prima donna.

Enzo Rudolphowitz, 49, said that he speaks to LiLo at least three or five times a day. He expressed that he has formed a very close bond with the Tinsel Town starlet.

He noted that both he and Miss Lohan, are covered with freckles from head to toe. Enzo blushed as he confessed that he and Lindsay each have lots and lots of freckles located on their groin areas and crotch regions.

He giggled and said that one evening he and La Lohan spent a couple of hours talking about their freckles and the different shapes, forms, and patterns that they interestingly make.

El Rudy, as Lohan affectionately calls him, but not in a sexual way, disclosed that La Lohan has a very unusual pattern of freckles located on her labia majora that when she lays on her back with one leg raised slightly, looks exactly like the shape of the state of North Carolina.

He blushed and said that Raleigh is the prettiest state capitol that he has ever seen. He said that he and Lindsay have an inside joke where they both refer to her bikini taco as "Cigarette City."

The director of the clinic, Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, 76, has stated that some of the other employees and some of the male patients do not like the fact that Lohan and Rudolphowitz have become very close intimate friends.

One patient, Avalanche Jo "Smokey" Wickerbocker, of Calexico, California, mentioned that on more than one occasion she has seen the "Happy Couple" as everyone refers to Lilo and Enzo, playing Pictionary in the nude.

Wickerbocker further suggested that she believes that Lohan may be carrying Rudolphowitz baby. She went on to say that she has started referring to the "Happy Couples" relationship as RehabGate, a name that Wheatgrass does not like and has flat out stated will be grounds for any patient using the name to be banned from having dinner and a midnight snack for two weeks.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It must be pointed out that Avalanche Jo Wickerbocker has been diagnosed as being perhaps one of the biggest all-time liars in the entire history of the state of California. She once told one of the clinic cooks that she can eat a live adult lobster in 45 seconds.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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