Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Soon to be Speaker of the US House of Representatives, John Boehner has caused quite a stir in the Capitol the past few weeks by crying and sobbing on national TV.

As members of the GOP rushed to defend him, journalists are reporting there is some concern among his colleagues and staff. "John, is just an emotional and empathetic guy," says a staff member. "He cares about people."

Mrs. Boehner has told a reporter that, "John cries about things. If he empties a mouse trap, he cries for the little dead mouse. If he sees a dead animal on the highway, he stops the car to say a prayer for the poor thing. I saw him, one time, put a dollar in a Salvation Army Kettle and tears welled up in his eyes."

Congressman Boehner was interviewed for this article and stated,"I jesh get sooo saaad sometimes. Ish the liddle childrens make me sooo saaad, you know, like the liddle starving childrens in Belgium." The reporter interrupted, "But, Congressman Boehner, there haven't been any starving children in Belgium since before World War 2" Boehner replied, "Yesh, yesh, it ish sooo saaad!"

In related news, staff members at Boehner's office are denying rumors that the Congressman was admitted to Walter Reed Hospital after sitting down hard on his office chair and breaking a bottle of Thunderbird in his hip pocket. Anonymous sources at Walter Reed Hospital have confirmed however, that indeed, he had been admitted for severe lacerations to his buttocks. One source speaking on condition of anonymity reported that they had also removed part of Congressman Eric Cantor's nose and had sent it back to him via FedEx Ground.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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