WASILLA, Alaska - The youngest of the Palin daughters, nine-year-old Piper Palin, is one little Alaskan girl who is not the least bit shy about speaking her mind.
Piper, who was named after the airplane, talked to her elementary school teacher Mrs. Margo Simone Quackenboss. She told her that she and the Palin family had a great time camping at Chelatna Lake up in the Talkeetna Mountains.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Chelatna is Eskimo for 'water so cold it can turn male salmon into female salmon quick.' And Talkeetna is Russian for 'mountain that resembles and feels like a gigantic effen sno-cone.']
Piper mentioned to her teacher that she really liked the eight Gosselin kids but that she abso-damn-lutley hated their crazy mother Kate whom she said acted like one spoiled bitch.
Little Piper said that all Mama G did was complain about the cold, the rain, the fishy smell, the mosquitoes, the lack of a toilet, and the fact that she had run out of pantiliners and was having to use yellow post-it notes instead.
Mrs. Gosselin spent a lot of time talking to Buffer Lemonpacker, one of the cameraman who was filming for the reality show Sarah Palin's Frozen Alaska.
She told him that she had never in her life been colder than she was and that she was so damn cold that she was afraid to look in her underwear and check out her missy pissy (playpen) for fear of finding out that it had frozen.
At one point Piper went up to Gosselin and told her to cheer up because her grandfather, grandpa Chucky had said that she was starting to look like friggin Joan Rivers except without the botox, cellulite, nose job, and effen space alien look.
Kate looked at Piper and told her to shut her little Alaskan potty mouth and go out and look for a grizzly bear to play with.
Piper said that she hates the Dancing With The Stars diva who kept calling her Pepper and Pecker.
Sarah, Willow, and Piper all started laughing when Kate kept yelling that she was hungry and wanted a T-Bone steak or at least a sirloin steak. They gave her some polar bear hormone marshmallows, but did not tell her what they were.
After she had eaten three of them, Piper told her what they were. Kate turned pink and then purple and ended up accidentally throwing up in her purse.
Kate remarked to the cameraman that she could not freakin understand why anyone would want to possibly live like homeless people. She said that if that is the way Republicans act then she is happy that she is a card-carrying Democrat.
In political news. Former President Bill Clinton has stated that he is seriously considering running for president in 2012. He grinned and said that he would love to kick "Shotgun" Sarah Palin's caribou-ambushing ass all the way up to the North Pole.