Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 13 January 2011

image for Yucatan's Green Guacamole Drug Cartel Issues A Stern Warning To Topeka's Fanatical Westburro Atheist Church
One of the members of The Westburro Atheist Church showing exactly how big his brain is. (Photo courtesy of Bill Maher).

COZUMEL, Mexico - The Cozumel Cha Cha Cha Times is reporting that the Green Guacamole Drug Cartel, which is based in Tulum, Yucatan, Mexico has just ended a three day seminar and convention in the resort town of Cozumel.

Pablo Pedro Salsa De Fuego, the official spokesperson for The Green Guacamole Drug Cartel stated that along with his drug cartel, two of Mexico's other notorious drug cartels were also present.

The two were the Tijuana-based, Pinata De Queso Drug Cartel and Monterrey's Mariachi Maracas Drug Cartel.

Salsa De Fuego said that the three day seminar and convention was a tremendous success and not just because of all the fantastically sexy beautiful girls that were 'rented' from Cozumel's 'Red Light District.'

He added that the food which was imported from Hawaii, France, and China was absolutely outstanding as was the wine which came from one of Italy's most famous vineyards The Frank Sinatra Strangers In The Night Vineyard Farm located just outside of Napoli.

Salsa De Fuego said that several high ranking executives with The Green Guacamole had seen on CNN a group known as The Westburro Atheist Church of Topeka (Kansas).

He pointed out that this is an extremely hate-filled group that hides under the cloak of being a religious group. Truth be told they are about as religious as 603 pound actress Gabourey Sidibe is anorexic.

This group of misguided maniacal misfits attends the funerals of fallen American soldiers and protests using signs with extremely vulgar wording directed at someone that they did not even know.

Salsa De Fuego said that he does not know how in the world the American people can just sit idly by and let this group of low-life, scum-sucking pigs get away with what they do.

He was told that in some instances some veterans groups have intervened but apparently the church group, which is really more like the Nazi's of World War II, have found a way to act within the confines of the rights of free speech, which is absolutely amazing.

So what has happened is that two military veterans from Indiana, Ludlow Faxon "Bazooka Balls" Buxtahitch and Cisco Wilfredo "Grenade Launcher" Tipplecrown have approached The Green Guacamole Drug Cartel about possibly seeing if there is anything that they could do as far as talking to this radical group and having them stop doing what they're doing.

Salsa De Fuego said that several drug cartel members have sons who fought for the United States military and who were extremely proud to wear the uniform of the greatest nation on the face of the earth.

He said that the operations of the Westburro Atheist Church (WAC) was number one on the three-member drug cartel seminar and convention agenda. The motion to do something passed by a vote of 639 to 1. Jorge Cabeza De Pulga was the lone dissenter.

The Cozumel Cha Cha Cha Times is reporting that Cabeza De Pulga's likeness now appears on the back of milk cartons in the Cozumel-Cancun area.

Immediately after the meeting closed, Salsa De Fuego personally made a phone call to Kansas City where he spoke to an 'executive' with the Tannagoosa Family.

He then called Hackensack, New Jersey and spoke with one of the 'directors' of the Pianissimo Family.

He then placed two more calls. The first was to Salvatore Goombalini, who was out of the country attending to some "Family" business in Sicily. The next call was made to the Cachatelli Family in Detroit.

Salsa De Fuego said that after he explained the situation to each of the "Family" officials they all gave him their word that they would look into the matter and as they say in Brooklyn they will, "A-do what dey gotta do."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: When it comes to convincing people to do something that they really need to do there is no group or organization in the entire world who can 'git er done' better and quicker than the drug cartels of Mexico. Those 'hombres' can make the KKK, Taliban, and Al Qaeda boys look like a group of Girl Scouts standing on the corner selling Girl Scout cookies.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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