CHICAGO - Upton Dashersteen, president of The United States Pilots Federation Union, has stated that one of his steering committees has come up with a plan that will avert a strike by the pilots union.
Dashersteen stated that airline pilots representing every airline in America, including Amalgamated Arizona and Upper Frozen Alaska, have almost unanimously agreed to tentatively ratify Airline Pilots Cockpit Mandate PD-1919.
APCM PD-1919 states that airline pilots in lieu of getting patted down by TSA agents from the Federal government will instead just simply be allowed to pat down each other.
The pilots union stated that this will not only save a lot of time and money, but it will also make for a much happier cockpit crew.
Dashersteen stated that the vote was 19,753 to 1. When asked who the lone person that voted against the mandate was, Dashersteen declined to say stating that to reveal his name would go against strict union guidelines and regulations which prohibit the divulging, declaring, or disclosing of the name of any voter.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up my old pal Larry King. I informed him about the airline pilots vote and asked him if he knew who the one dissenting voter was. King laughed and asked if the Pacific Ocean was wet. He then asked if roosters go around screwing chickens. And finally he asked if Sarah Palin wishes that she had a pecker instead of a playpen. I replied yes, yes, and hell yes. He stated that the lone dissenting vote was cast by Axton "Ornery Cuss" Klipflicky, a 79-year-old pilot with Trans Vermont who is about as contrary and as smart ass as they come.]