Written by anthonyrosania
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Friday, 10 December 2010

image for Howard Stern Sells Mobile Rights To Sirius Show: Now You Can Hear It On Your Motorola Star Tac!

Retirement-aged shock-jock Howard Stern, who extorted a second, 5 year, $1/2 billion contract out of nearly-bankrupt Sirius XM, has sweetened his Will's payout by selling the digital rights to his show to Surius/XM.

"Starting in 2011, subscribers using the company's applications for some mobile devices will be able to listen to Howard Stern," said Sirius/XM CEO Mel Karmazin, who has been to giving away his company's profitability to Stern since 1984. "Previously, the shows were available only via special satellite-radio receivers or an Internet-connected PC or laptop using a stream on the company's website."

Of course, a man in his late 50's may not be completely up to date on technology, which may be why the Stern Show will only be available on certain, er... classic devices, such as:

The 1984 IBM Simon
Nokia Communicator
Nokia 9210
Ericcson R380, only on the Voicestream or Omnipoint service.
Handspring PalmPilot
Apple Newton
Atari Portfolio
Casio Pocket Viewer
WiFi Etch-A-Sketch
Dell Axim, running Windows ME
Nokia N800
Teddy Ruxpin

"Access to my show on these doohickeyss will open up additional opportunities for my fans to hear me wherever they are," said Stern. "And it'll put tons of money in my pocket for me and my wife, Seattle Slew."

The 56-year-old Stern seemed confused when asked whether the show will be available on mobile devices made after 1987.

"We do plan to add support for the Sega Genesis, and AOL dial-up service. It'll be GREAT! You'll here 'Welcome!' 'You've got mail!' 'Howard Stern has a small penis!' just before your kid picks up the phone in their room and punts you offline," said Stern. "iPad? What the f--k is an iPad? You whipper-snappers and your confounded gadgets. Get off my lawn!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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