North Pole - Homeland Insecurity has a warning for Santa: expect death if you try to enter the Homeland on Christmas Eve. Santa Claus is listed as a 'food extremist' by Homeland Insecurity, and he will be shot out of the skies if he attempts to invade. NORAD and the US Air Force have been alerted about his activities. There is great fear that Santa may be transporting a fruitcake.
"It's worse then it seems. He will bring millions of fruitcakes." said Homeland Insecurity boss Janet Napolitano. "It's too horrible to even think about." she shuddered. "Millions of fruitcakes falling from the sky is the ultimate apocalypse."
Homeland Insecurity has a tactical nuclear bomb ready for Santa, if he attempts to invade with his hideous fruitcakes. If the bomb fails, Janet Napolitano is asking the public to poison any milk or cookies they might leave out for Santa on Christmas Eve.
"We know he likes sweets. We are asking the public to put rat poison in any cookies they bake for Santa. Let's kill this fucker, once and for all. Let's all have a safe and merry holiday season without fruitcake!"