Friends of Justin Bieber have tonight revealed the sensational news that Justin is not what certain people are saying he is. They say Justin would be severely upset if he knew what people were saying about him and they have urged the media not to report the rumours.
This plea comes just days after startling rumours were revealed in secret Wikileaks documents that Justin Bieber is in fact a Robot.
The documents disclosed that Government officials had heard rumours that suggested that a new robot had been created by a record company that sings and dances at the push of a button...and many music insiders believed rightly or wrongly that that robot was Justin.
Upon being asked why, they replied that he just looked like a churned out, mass produced, plastic action figure and his songs sounded like they had been created by random generation on a music synthesizer computer.
His appearance on the Graham Norton Show last night did nothing to disprove this theory. He appeared to be repeating record company approved dictat and had nothing original to say at all. He looked like a robot. He talked like a robot. He looked plastic and his teeth looked bigger than his brain.
The documents say that the drastic action to create a robot was taken by record companies when they began losing control of their teen stars to drugs and drink.
They realised that teenagers aren't the controllable things that they would like them to be, and that they complain when they are drained of every inch of the energy and talent they have, and then cast aside. They don't seem to like it when they are replaced by the next bright young thing that comes along on the conveyor belt.
A record company insider is believed to have said that the Justin robot wasn't just a fantastic money making tool, it was also environmentally efficient because it was entirely recyclable.
It could be put in a recycling machine and remodelled into a completely different teenage star every 2 years. Two years is the current life span for this particular brand of record company asset.
Friends of Justin say that Justin is a real boy and not a robot. Justin refused to comment. Record company insiders from another company have cynically suggested that thia is because he was never programmed to face that line of questioning.
By Katarina Frogpond.