Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Vampires, minorities

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

image for Vampires Now America's Biggest Minority
America's Biggest Minority Takes A Bite

Washington, DC-- Some new data released by the Census Department is making lots of people uncomfortable today. Vampires are now the country's biggest minority, making up over 20% of the population. Vampires were only .02% of the population just ten years ago. A decade of economic decay, warfare, and general social decline have raised their numbers dramatically. Vampires could be in the majority by 2020.

Vampires tend to be very social, and many vampires enter politics and entertainment. Over one-half of Congress has already 'crossed over', and the country could elect its first vampire as president in 2012.

Although vampires have made many gains, many Americans still fear them. Many new laws have been written to protect them. Garlic is now illegal, as is possession of a crucifix or a wooden stake.

Vampires have recently launched a nationwide campaign to stop discrimination. Words like 'neck-biter' and 'blood-sucker' are very offensive to vampires. They prefer terms such as 'Non-Living Americans' or 'Post-Breathing Americans'.

As vampires continue to enter the American mainstream, their numbers will continue to multiply. Vampires hope that one day all Americans will join them in their peaceful, loving life-style.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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