Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 3 December 2010

image for Wikileaks Documents Verify That Ron Jeremy Has The Biggest Penis In The USA
Rush Limbaugh smoking a Ron Jeremy Cigar. (Photo courtesy of Lance Bass).

CHICAGO - A spokesperson for Wikileaks has informed the main stream media, the Left Coast paparazzi, the Right Coast news hounds, Clay Aiken, Adam Lambert, and Richard Simmons that porn star Ron Jeremy has the largest taco tickler in the entire country.

Secret reports show that Jeremy's dip stick leaves Charlie Sheen's, Warren Beatty's, and Rev. Al Sharpton's pokin' tools wallowing in the dust, so to speak.

Paris Hilton, who has been known to get around, was asked if she concurred with the Wikileaks findings. At first, Paris shied away from answering, but after downing three more Avocado Margaritas, the blonde rich bitch changed her tune and admitted that the report was in fact right on the money.

Hilton's BFF and fellow blonde jailbird, Lindsay Lohan, added that she has dated all four men except for Rev. Al Sharpton and she said that Ronnie's crotch appliance certainly makes the other dudes' wieners look like the laps of the Kardashian sisters.

SIDENOTE: Marie Osmond could not be reached for comment but a reliable source revealed that it doesn't matter because she has never seen a bibbidy boo with the lights on.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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