WASHINGTON - "Angela Merkel is risk-averse and rarely creative, but get her in a strapless evening gown and she's the Bavarian Alps! And I bet she's a cougar, ready to pounce. Give her a nine." So states one of countless U.S. diplomatic cables that discuss the hotness ratings of world leaders on the world-standard ten-point scale.
Another cable observes that Italy's Silvio Berlusconi is "feckless and vain, and needs his back waxed. Score him a three."
Among the dispatches, there is general agreement that Libya's Moammar Khadafi is a momma's boy, averaging a hotness of 1.7, though his bevy of voluptuous blonde Ukranian nursemaids average 9.7.
But Russian leaders Dmitri Medvedev and Vladimir Putin caused the most hotness controversy within the State Department. A sampling of cables includes:
- "Putin looks good with his shirt off, chopping wood. In Russia, they all do gymnastics."
- "Putin's work ethic has recently been questioned, and he looks like Dobby."
- "Putin is 1337, pwning taht n00b Medvedev."
- "Dmitri turns a blind eye to corruption in Moscow, and he looks like a skinny Norm from Cheers."
- "Anything is hotter than Boris Yeltsin in that tiny swimsuit."
The leak of secret diplomatic information is the most embarrassing for the U.S. since General Stanley McChrystal was forced to resign after it was revealed that he scored a French diplomat a negative nine (a rating that was top secret and thought not to exist).