The Secret Service and Washington, D.C. Police are looking for a person or persons who rang the doorbell to the entrance of the White House late Tuesday evening and ran, leaving behind a flaming bag of poop. The butler, wearing bed slippers, reportedly stomped on the bag to put the fire out and, in doing so, got the poop all over himself and the Presidential Welcome mat.
While poop in a flaming bag is one of the oldest practical jokes in the book, the Secret Service are perplexed as to just how the perpetrator was able to sneak past security in order to pull this off in such a high-security area. "While we are looking at several different scenarios, we think it might have been someone who visited the White House earlier in the day and, instead of leaving when visiting hours were over, hid behind a bush and waited for the opportune time to carry out this dastardly deed," said Harry Durtee, one of the President's most trusted bodyguards.
Everyone involved in the security of the White House was asked to attend a briefing to find out if they saw or heard anything suspicious before the bag was set aflame. Although the breach of security was regarded as quite serious, many attending the briefing couldn't help but stifle a giggle as the butler was made to re-enact his stomping action for the group.
In the meantime, tests are being conducted to determine if the poop involved was that of a human or an animal. The most likely suspect so far is the Presidential dog walker, who is said to have a less than ideal relationship with Michelle Obama. While she (the dog walker) has denied any involvement in the incident, it is interesting to note that she is the only dog walker known who picks up Bo's poop with paper instead of plastic bags.