(HOUSTON) -- NASA, amidst rumors that it's days are numbered (as in 4) officially announced the opening of it's new theme park outside Houston Texas. Inside sources say that the new amusement park tentatively named "Nasa~Land", will open it's gates two days after space shuttle Discovery implodes in the iono-sphere during Thursday's tragic re-entry attempt.
Nasa Administrator and soon-to-be Theme park administrator Michael Griffin told KHOU reporters ..
"Nasa~Land will rock the solar system (that new planet not included)". He went on to add,
"Sure we lost a few shuttles during our space flight days but our legal staff assures us that every ride in our new theme park will be over 70% safe .. meaning, You'll PROBABLY SURVIVE THE RIDE .. how cool is that?!"
NASA .. Mission Control sits enigmatically on the edge of Galveston Bay. For decades NASA enthralled the world, the world wondering if the next ship that they sent up up would come down again .. in less than a trillion pieces. In the vein of Six Flags Over Texas and Disney World, Nasa~Land will offer visitors a myriad of realistic computer controlled VR simulations. Visitors, for example, on the DSS (Doomed Shuttle Sim) can choose to either go down in flames on launch or wait until re-entry and crash into New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama and parts of Nevada.
One enthusiastic park visitor commented,
"My favorite attraction was the Congressional Hearing sim where I actually got to demand that the U.S. Senate give me 147 billion dollars or else .. or else .."
Other rides and attractions include the faked Lunar Landing simulator, the Zero G simulator (down for maintenance, too many G's), the "Be a Martian Rover" sim where YOU get to be a rover, rove across Mars scooping up dirt, the Warp Drive Sim (parental discretion advised) and of course the gift shop where 70% of all NASA funding is derived.
Nasa~Land Co-Administrator, Neil Armstrong, inventor of the moon-walk himself told reporters,
"I know we don't have that many attractions yet but once we drop in cotton candy, the roller-coaster of doom and the the Tilt 'a Whirl we'll be up there with the big guys .. "