Written by Guy Bellefonte
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Tuesday, 30 November 2010

image for Black Friday Bowel Movement Called Legendary
Doorbuster Stinker

Supermart shoppers were treated to some fantastic bargains this Black Friday, but they never expected to be around greatness.

Hank Newburg was with his wife and admits to overeating on the Thanksgiving holiday.

"I ate so much turkey and stuffing, I thought I was going to barf. I slept like a baby until my cunty wife made me go shopping with her at 6am. I grabbed a large cup of coffee and headed out the door. I should have shit before I left, but there was no time."

Just after 7am Newburg told his wife he needed to hit the head and proceeded to bear right at the Supermart entrance, heading for the restroom. For an agonizing 8 minutes Newburg wrestled with one of the largest shits of his life.

"I was really struggling and deeply regretting I didn't do my business on my home turf, but you play the cards that life deals you."

The stench filled the men's room quickly and swept through the cashier lanes causing a handful of customers to vomit upon initial smell.

Back at the scene of the crime, Newburg flushed the dump, but the toilet rejected the offering like Dikembe Mutumbo blocking a basketball shot. The rest was history.

Photographs were taken of the scene by the Supermar janitor for case study purposes. The bathroom was closed for 6 hours but the effects are still lingering.

"I'll never get that smell out of my nose," blurted store manager Julio Alvarez. With a tear in his eye, he tries to go on, but is unable to get the words out.

Sometimes silence says it all Julio.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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