Written by Morse
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Monday, 29 November 2010

image for Winkileaks to Dump Obama's BlackBerry SexText & Pix!
Obama's Secret Cell Phone Code: So Simple Even a Child Could Figure it Out!

As if it couldn't get any worse, Winkileaks officials say they are getting ready to dump 4 years worth of Obama's secret text messages, pictures, discussion of marital problems and political dirty tricks hacked from his BlackBerry!

The President who was famously quoted as saying if he was elected President "they'll have to pry my BlackBerry from my dying hands," may have just ended his political life with the news that his most personal and innermost secrets are finally about to be revealed.

The most secretive President in the history of the nation who reached his position as head of the most powerful country in the world with the least amount of background vetting , is about to be 'outed' according to the announcement by Winkileaks.

Early reports when Obama was elected said that a highly classified special encrypted smartphone was modified so he could continue to use his BlackBerry without fear of being compromised, and a special ruling by his appointed Attorney General Eric Holder insured that his personal e-mails and text messages could never be subpoenaed by stretching the 'executive privilege' rule.

While Winkileaks says it will be weeks before they start dropping the Obama Bombs while the public still digests the over 250,000 classified documents they just dropped on a gobsmacked public, they did hint at some real eye openers.

Among the tantalizing secrets soon to come out:

*Obama's special deal with indicted former Governor Rod Blagojevich which kept the lid on his double dealing and dirty deals during his rise to power in Chicago politics.

*Highly classified tweets between Obama, Hugo Chavez, Sean Penn, Oprah, Hamas, and Kim Kardashian after her break up with Reggie Bush.

*The real reason why 'Hairball" talking head Chris Matthews got a tingle up his leg when talking about Obama.

*The financial deals kept quiet between Al Gore, George Soros, and the close circle of radical advisors Obama brought to Washington from Chicago.

*The real reason Rahm Emanuel and close staff left the White House early and returned to Chicago to rebuild the President's power base for the future.

*Locker room texts between Obama and Bill Clinton where they talk about their frustration with their sex lives and how they cope with it.

*Where Obama goes and what he really does when he "disappears" for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hours and is 'off the radar."

*Locker room sex text pix from the White House Locker Room after "Pick Up Games" and what really goes on when the soap gets dropped.

*Demands and contract negotiations with the European Union discussing Obama's future leadership role with the oppressive Bureaucracy after 2012.

*Discussions of the real role of Michelle's mother in law Marian Robinson in the White House, the sticky subject of the missing cats, and the meaning of the strange symbols she displays on the White House lawn.

*What debts he really owes to his Auntie Zeituni and how he got Governor and good pal Mayor Deval Patrick to set her up at government expense so she wouldn't discuss the circumstances , location and real date of his birth.

Winkileaks said the disclosures run to the thousands of pages plus over 500 graphic pictures of genitalia, animal porn, and off colour jokes, and also include illegally downloaded violent rap songs from his favorite rapper Ludicrous.

Preliminary investigations have traced the leaks to a 22 year old overt homosexual private in the army assigned temporary duty to the Secret Service whose sole job was to provide the unbreakable encryption for the President's phone because of his "computer skills."

The alleged leaker was said not to have been a US citizen, but joined the US army as a foreign national from the UK and managed to be awarded the highest security designation available because investigators charged with vetting him 'couldn't be arsed' and even doing rudimentary checks on his patriotism, value system, and sexuality were prohibited under overriding "Human Rights" regulations that traveled with him from the UK.

According to a code breaker employed by a private security firm, the code was so simple any dyslectic person with a PhD could have broken it, just by reading the messages backwards!

The full political toll on Obama will not be known until the leaks are dropped, sometime in the next two weeks.

What is known, is that Michelle Obama has contacted high powered California Divorce lawyer Rashina Oberwitz the entertainment industry's highest paid attorney specializing in contentious divorce and noted for squeezing every last penny out of an aggrieved wife's husband.

A local cell phone provider in the DC area has just confirmed that Obama's account has been closed, and according to an inside source, Barry has just installed a pay phone with an unlisted number in the OFFAL Office!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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