LAREDO, Texas - Agents of The United States Border Patrol stationed in Laredo have just confiscated what they are calling one of the largest counterfeit smuggling rings of all time.
Border Patrol Director Aspinwall L. Tiffinmiffin, 53, stated that two of his top agents Kiefer Quakergold, 38, and Porfirio La Brea, 30, were instrumental in leading the capture of the smuggling ring known in the smuggling underworld as the Hombres De Los Juguetes which translated into English means the 'Men Of The Toys.'
Three members of the HDLJ were captured at Laredo's Sounds of The Maracas International Bridge as they sat in a state-of-the-art 18-wheeler, which Border Patrol agents remarked was a 2011 model, valued at $350,000 and which had a wet bar, jacuzzi, and mini-massage parlor as standard equipment.
The nude counterfeit Vampire Dairies Action Figure Dolls were all found stashed in bean bags which were headed for the biggest bean bag distributor in America, Uncle Boo Boo's Bean Bag Distributorship in Waukegan, Illinois.
Border Patrol Agent Quakergold stated that the value of the 2 million nude dolls was placed at $80 million. Agent La Brea noted that the 1.2 million Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev) dolls alone were worth $48 million and the .4 million Stefan Salvatore (Paul Wesley) nude dolls and the .4 million Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder) nude dolls were worth a combined total of $32 million.
Border Patrol Director Tiffinmiffin was asked by Oswego Chimichanga, a reporter for The Laredo Afternoon Tribune Gazette if the 2 million nude counterfeit Vampire Dairies Action Figure Dolls were going to be donated to local children's day care centers as things of that nature had been done in the past.
Tiffinmiffin laughed and asked Chimichanga if he was willing to sew 2 million clothes items on the dolls. He blushed and replied that he did not have the time or desire to do so.
Tiffinmiffin told him that he didn't think so and to get the hell out of his office before he had him arrested for transporting illegal aliens.
Chimichanga said that he was all alone. Tiffinmiffin grinned and said that he could easily have half a dozen or so illegal aliens planted on him before he could say "Ay Eva Longoria."
Chimichanga ran out of the office, got into his 1993 Ford Focus, and drove off to find the nearest Tacos 'R' Us.
In a non-related story. "Snowflake" Sarah Palin is still incorrectly insisting that North Korea is the good one and South Korea is the bad one. The "Grizzly Mama" was asked about West Korea. She paused, grinned, giggled, and said, "Hey, doncha be trying to effen trick me. Cause gosh darnit, everyone knows that there is no West Korea, but there sure as shinola is an East Korea though gee willakurs."