Michelle Obama, protector of the obese, champion of 4 meals a day for starving US children whose parents can't be arsed, railed at plans to go ahead with January White Sales after her husband's promise of 'change' failed miserably with his grand Black Friday economic plan.
Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving was Obama's scheme to get Black Americans out of their houses and back into America's suffering malls spending some of that 'stimulus' he's been passing out to his constituency for the past two years.
Despite his best intentions, most of the events had to be called off due to rioting, looting, shop lifting, incidences of random stabbing, and at least 4 shoot out between rival gangs in Chicago, Philadelphia, Houston and Oakland.
Officials blame it on the perception that shoppers expected Obama to grant them a free shopping day before Christmas and went 'mental" at the check out counter when they were told they had to pay for the merchandise!
"As a grand plan, it failed miserably," said former Presidential advisor Rahm Emanuel from his mayoral election campaign headquarters deep underground in Chicago.
"All it did was reignite turf wars and enhance people's perception of the Democratic Party....it's going to make it even harder for me to win this election for mayor unless I can intimidate the other candidates to withdraw!"
Meanwhile, plans for the long traditional "January White Sale", always a proven success when white people come out and buy new bed linens, bath towels, and washcloths is now under attack by the White (sic) House.
Calling it a "Tea Party Conspiracy" the planned holiday sale is under attack by not only Michelle, but disgraced House member Charlie Wrangle (sic) trying to deflect attention from his recent indictment by the Ethics Committee over a laundry list of his own, involving fraud and failure to file tax returns.
Backing Wrangle is the Reverend Al Sharpton, still in arrears over several million dollars in unpaid taxes, and even sympathetic white MA Senator John Kerry, heir to his wife's $239M Heinz Ketchup fortune who recently rented out the Boston Symphony hall for an upcoming fundraiser to pay the outstanding $500K tax bill on his brand new $7M foreign built yacht named "Knot Me."
Critics claim Kerry is the first to raise taxes on all his constituents, but the last one to pony up his share despite his lottery luck in landing his life time meal ticket , the slightly spicy condiment, the former Mrs. Teresea Simoes-Ferreira Heinz.
Presidential Press Secretary, about the last of Obama's staff still hanging around Washington, tried to put a spin cycle on the flap over the laundry
"The President's wife feels that the intention of the Tea Party to go ahead and sponsor a January White Sale with all all the leading merchants and retail outlets is a serious mistake in this time of severe stress to the President."
"The last thing the first lady wants is to see is thousands of more white people protesting outside the White (sic) House in brand new sheets! She says they all probably have bed bugs in them, and probably came from China!"
With his lips still sealed by 12 stitches after a mysterious 'accident' the President remains silent on the matter preferring that Michelle do all the talking for him until he 'gets his mojo back."