Security officials in the United States and abroad are scrambling this afternoon to thwart a potentially devastating terrorist attack and to quickly develop an effective strategy for dealing with what appears to be a new direction being taken by al Qaeda operatives, specifically those located in holes in the ground along the Afghan/Pakistani border. Homeland Security and FBI special task force agents have surrounded a Hobby Shop in Nehawka, Nebraska in response to a desperate plea for help from the store's owners.
"The information we have currently is that smoke is emanating from the tail section of a Gulfstream IV model jet, which is, in fact, an exact replica of a civilian airliner," reported Jonathon Feist, Homeland Security Chief for really small towns in the southeast section of the midwestern part of the nation, specifically Nebraska, and which mostly just includes Nehawka.
"A semi-anonymous tip suggests that the source of the smoke is a homemade explosive device akin to a firecracker- or it might be just a firecracker. Unfortunately, we don't have a mechanical arm small enough to reach the explosive, but the shop stocks Robby the Robots, so we might just send in one of those. As you can see, we clearly are doing everything we can to diffuse the device and to make certain that the general public as well as our responding officers are protected."
When asked about the size of the aircraft and the potential loss of life should the device detonate, Feist reported that the Gulfstream measures approximately 18" long, which would make it 1/48th the size of an actual airliner. "At this time we do not anticipate human casualties; however, a feline currently is unaccounted for and we are attempting to lure it out of the hot zone with a can of sardines packed in olive oil."
An Al Qaeda spokesman has released the following statement on Al Jazeera, in which the terrorist organization claimed responsibility for planting the miniature explosive and also warned of future attacks: "Today it's model airplanes; tomorrow it will be model trains; the day after that it will be monster models; the day after the day after that it will be miniature Christmas villages; the day after the day after the day after that- wait, did I mention monster models?"