In an attempt to retain Chief of Staff Karl Rove, also known as his brain, President George W. Bush has made known through insiders that he is lowering the bar once again, announcing that anyone on his staff who commits two felonies may remain working in the White House. Furthermore, to remove the veiled stench of crime, he will use his powers as President to issue a pardon so that: the or those, individual or individuals, involved or not involved, will avoid arrest, the frog march tango and prison. They will also skip all restrictions under the Son of Sam law, thus able to write and publish a book explaining their side of these misadventures. Film rights are negotiable. Karl Rove prefers his role to be portrayed by actor Kevin Costner, while I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby requested Harrison Ford. Not that either committed a felony, outed an agent or perpetuated a crime.
In a sling shot; slam dunk, domino reaction, the entire United States international undercover terrorist network has handed in their collective resignations fearing being outed in a political vendetta by a White House staff member or members, who retain the loyalty of the President. Submitting their file in epistles of resignation, small shops and restaurants with little or no clientele, often provoking the question: How do they ever manage to pay their overhead? - are now slamming doors shut for good. `Joseph's Jeans' on Savile Row, `Luigi's Fish and Chips' in Milan, `The Tanning Salon' in the Bahamas, `Sub, Sub Zero' in Iceland, `The Comedy Club' in Kabul, Baghdad, Beirut, Singapore, Kuala Lumpur, Islamabad, Gaza (a franchise) are all closing.
Fearing that the large net of Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald might, will or did enclose him, Vice President Dick Cheney, also in line for a pardon, has quietly announced his preference for an actor to portray his film role. Learning that Kevin Costner and Harrison Ford were already selected to portray key figures in film versions, the Vice President requested Steve McQueen. Sorry, he was told, there's a problem with Mr. McQueen. Okay, then Gregory Peck. Whoops, can't have that one either. "What are they all doing, going on strike?" Well, in a fashion. When an actor's name was suggested, he was heard to blurt out, "No, I'm not going with Danny De Vito. Let me have Meryl Streep."
Climbing out from under the John F. Kennedy, J.F.K. Jr. kneehole, the President was heard to ask, "What's with this Meryl Streep?"