Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Thanksgiving, Macy's

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for 3.5 Million A--holes Clog Manhattan To Watch Macy's Day Parade

It is a Thanksgiving Day tradition as quaint as giving Native Americans smallpox: Since 1924, people infiltrated Manhattan from the 80's to Times Square to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade pass by.

Of course, since 1924, many things have changed: Women can vote (Grrr.), alcohol is legal to own and consume (Yay!), and everyone can watch the f--king Thanksgiving Day Parade from the comfort of their living room in hi-definition on TV!!

However, for 3.5 million selfish turds who have to see the damned parade in person, that isn't good enough. So, for the next 12 hours, Manhattan will be as accessible as it was on September 12th.

"You need to f--king come here? Why, to f--king watch a Snoopy balloon go down Broadway?" shouted Albert 'Fat Dago' Mellicio, a low-level mob enforcer who lives in Lower Manhattan. "Watch the sh-t on TV! I gotta drop my kids off at their mother's house in Bayonne by 6 or I'm violating the custody agreement."

Manhattan residents will be praying for a repeat of 1993, when the Sonic the Hedgehog balloon crashed into a lamppost at Columbus Circle, killing two paradegoers and injuring 4.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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