Written by anthonyrosania
Print this
Topics: Thanksgiving, Macy's

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for 3.5 Million A--holes Clog Manhattan To Watch Macy's Day Parade

It is a Thanksgiving Day tradition as quaint as giving Native Americans smallpox: Since 1924, people infiltrated Manhattan from the 80's to Times Square to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade pass by.

Of course, since 1924, many things have changed: Women can vote (Grrr.), alcohol is legal to own and consume (Yay!), and everyone can watch the f--king Thanksgiving Day Parade from the comfort of their living room in hi-definition on TV!!

However, for 3.5 million selfish turds who have to see the damned parade in person, that isn't good enough. So, for the next 12 hours, Manhattan will be as accessible as it was on September 12th.

"You need to f--king come here? Why, to f--king watch a Snoopy balloon go down Broadway?" shouted Albert 'Fat Dago' Mellicio, a low-level mob enforcer who lives in Lower Manhattan. "Watch the sh-t on TV! I gotta drop my kids off at their mother's house in Bayonne by 6 or I'm violating the custody agreement."

Manhattan residents will be praying for a repeat of 1993, when the Sonic the Hedgehog balloon crashed into a lamppost at Columbus Circle, killing two paradegoers and injuring 4.

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 plus 2?

2 4 7 13
59 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more