NEW YORK CITY - Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has made it clear that he will not allow airport TSA agents to openly 'Fundle' him during their pat down procedure.
Limbaugh has said that the only person who he will allow to touch his male member is his wife, and maybe fellow GOPer Sean Hannity.
A very close friend of Limbaugh's, who did not want his name revealed, said that the real reason that El Rusho does not want TSA pat down agents to pat him down is because he does not want them to know that he has a 2-inch winky.
The close unnamed friend went on to say that each one of Limbaugh's three ex-wives all made sealed statements swearing to the fact that yes, Rush Limbaugh's 'Little Rush' is even smaller than Jon Gosselin's 'Little Jon.'
The national spokesperson for the United States Transportation Security Administration Clovis Baxter Shamnoodle pointed out that Mr. Limbaugh is merely pissing in the wind since TSA agents could care less if Lady Gaga, Madonna, or even Michelle Bachmann all have more between their legs than Limbaugh does.
In other news. The rumor currently circulating throughout Illinois, Indiana, and Wisconsin that Oprah Winfrey openly groped herself while having lunch at a Chicago Jack-In-The-Box is absolutely untrue.