New York, NY-- Doctors across the country are reporting an alarming increase in cases of body lice and venereal diseases. The doctors have nicknamed the increase 'The Blue Glove Blues' and have blamed airport security pat-downs for the increase. Doctors say the blue glove that security 'officers' wear is a perfect breading ground for germs and vermin.
Doctor Groucho Marks has seen many new patients in his Manhattan clinic, and gave some words of advice.
"Those blue gloves are there to protect the 'officer'--not you!" warned Dr. Marks. "Those gloves are dirtier than a $5.00 crack whore. You know the gloves they grope you with have been to some nasty places." he warned.
Dr. Marks then gave a demonstration of his concerns. He carefully removed a used glove from a plastic bag, and put it under a microscope.
"See those spirochetes; see those herpes simplex viruses??" he asked. "Those are going to be roaming around your private parts soon, courtesy of airport security and the Obama regime."
Dr. Marks also said body lice, or 'the crabs', is also a major concern.
"Those filthy blue gloves are covered with body lice and their eggs. I've had dozens of professional people come into the office who are both extremely shocked and embarrassed. Not only do they suffer themselves, but they also spread the crabs to their spouses. It's a real mess."
Dr. Marks had only one piece of advice for the suffering public.
"Sue the f*cking bastards!"