Labor groups split, agree to rejoin in India
The AFL-CIO has voted to oursource its membership. All members will now be required to move to India, or at least speak like they are living in India.
To ensure that this effort will be a success the AFL-CIO will be hiring native Indian language teachers to instruct members in the proper Indian English accents.
It won't be very hard to learn Indianish said Prakish Shah, a truck driver, especially for the Brooklyn members.
"I'll be damned of I have to be an American to be a teamster, I'm a free man, and I can be a teamster in India if I want to", said Mack Smith a former Indian truck driver from Indiana.
Charging that the AFL-CIO devotes too much time to lobbying in Washington, many union members have pledged to move to India, thereby outsourcing many union functions.
Paying off politicians in the lobby has gotten way too expensive, so we intend to move to India where we can be more open about our efforts to line the politicians pockets, said teamsters president Jimmy Hoffa.
The effort has been critized by the Sioux Nation and other Indian tribes. We're the real Indians said the tribal elder, and we don't want to be confused with teamsters. If the teamsters move to India, and the Indians become teamsters, everything will be confusing again. When you are on the phone no one will be able to tell the difference between custard stands and custers stand. They cost about the same but one has more history. It's like the difference between yogurt and yurt gut, no one will understand each other again and again.
Teamsters used to haul muslin and Indians were Muslims, or Schuykill, or Delaware. Now teamsters will be Muslims and Indians will haul muslin. It's not supposed to be a punny ting. All sorts of confusions will arise now.
We welcome the teamsters to our Indian lands and offer them many more benefits, including gambling, which the Indians don't offer. We have cows and keep them where they belong, but in Indian lands the cows roam free. Teamsters want free cows, and free schools and that we have to offer.
According to Bill Frist, "The people in corporate boardrooms are smiling today, we lose some teamsters and gain some more outsourcing. It's much easier to outsource a union that to destroy one."
In a related move the Democrats have announced that they too are being outsourced.