Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Sunday, 21 November 2010

image for Octogenarian Passenger Claims TSA Agent Caused Inflight Wet Dream
Geezer Sues TSA

The furor over the more agressive "pat downs" initiated by Home Land Security Agents has reached a higher din today when 83 year old Gerald LaMonica of Queens, New York said that when he refused to have his party parts desecrated by an infernal body scan apparatus at LaGuardia Airport, he was told he had to submit to a pat down.

Mr. Lamonica, who claims that he has had no sex since his wife Verna passed away 13 years ago, said that he had no choice but to allow what he called "a virtual hand job" by a buxom black lady in her forty's who seemed determined to "give me an erection."

When he told her to go faster or he would miss his plane, she seemed nonplussed, he said. Unable to finish the job off because other passengers were complaining that they would miss their flights, the agent backed off and told LaMonica he could board his flight to Chicago.

Mr. LaMonica claims that he fell asleep in his seat dreaming of this encounter when he was rudely awakened by a flight attendant who told him that passengers were complaining about his moaning and groaning.

Thoroughly embarrassed by all this, the 83 year old gentleman is suing TSA for $1,000,000.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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